How would you fix Notre Dame football? Here are ten things we would implement in the short-term to get things going in the right direction:
1. Radio Silence. Cancel all press conferences and interviews. These are purely a distraction. Players and coaches can spend the time trying to do something, anything that can positively affect this football team. Besides, talk is cheap. No fan wants to hear anything right now, because, frankly it doesn’t mean jack. Let your actions on the field speak for you.
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2. Name New Captains. The current crew is not getting the job done. There is a clear lack of leadership on the team and that is partly the captains fault. Tell the players that whoever plays with the most passion and heart this week against MSU will automatically become captains.
3. Ball Busting Scrimmage. Line ‘em up for a full scrimmage in the stadium. Open it up to the public. First team offense vs. first team defense. For every missed snap, fumble, interception, false start, or sack, the guilty party goes up against the Japenese Ball Whacker:
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4. No Pep Rally. For the rest of the year, lose the pep rally on Friday night. What the hell is anyone gonna say that won’t sound ridiculous? “We’re gonna go out and score a touchdown against Michigan State.” Great. WooHoo! Way to go!!! Again, the players and coaches need to do their talking on the field.
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5. No Pre-game Mass. While we’re at it let’s lose the pre-game mass. Let the players go to mass like the rest of us: on Sunday. These guys should be sitting in an Omnimax Theater before the game watching Gladiator, Braveheart, or Remember the Titans. Say a prayer in the locker room before the game. Losing the pre-game mass and the pep-rally will reduce the numerous distractions the team faces every home game weekend.
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6.
See Ya, Latin-a. This is the worst football team on the planet. Someone’s head has to roll. We’re looking at you, Latina. Last year’s offensive line underperformed. The root of all this year’s troubles can be traced back to the offensive line as well. Let’s get a Notre Dame man with NFL experience who is available immediately to take over the O-line and provide the leadership and passion needed. This guy might be available:
New O Line Coach.
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7. Curfew and Bed Check. No player should be out boozin’ at a time like this. Let’s make sure they aren’t out because the last three games they have looked massively hungover. Cerfew and bed check all week.
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8. No Nookie. Ladies of South Bend, St. Mary’s, and Notre Dame we need your help on this one. If your boyfriend is on the Notre Dame football team you need to cut him off from any extracurricular activities right away. At least until they win a game. That should motivate the Lads.
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9. Defer. We have the worst offense in the universe. Why would we want the ball to start the game? Can someone please explain this to me? Anyone? Charlie?
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10. One-on-one Meetings. Weis needs to sit down with each player individually and discuss their role on the team. You’re in this together, Fellas. And you have a lot of people counting on you. Make it right.
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September 18th, 2007 at 8:49 am
Number 11 – For the love of God, please block somebody!
September 18th, 2007 at 11:56 am
Good list! I especially like the Coach Moore aspect. We need someone thats a complete *sshole to get into these guys’ heads. I think the new captains should be – bruton, bemendefer, vernaglia, and darren walls. The only guys that have produced in three games.
September 18th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
number 12: Take the names off the backs, oh, sorry that already is done.
number 12: nobody over the age of 20 shall see the field for the entire season.
September 18th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
Irishman, doesn’t Clausen turn 28 next week?
September 19th, 2007 at 5:48 am
All that sounds good.I don’t think you can be ready to play a contact sport without practecing contact.One thing I would add is every practise would be in full pads even if the contact was light to get them used to the weight of the equipment.
September 19th, 2007 at 9:44 am
13. Suicide.
Why don’t all you Domers just kill yourselves?
September 19th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Bemenderfer is coming for you, Focky.
September 20th, 2007 at 6:13 am
Ahahah Your a mean one… Yep they need to be smacked,,, but you know they canbt’ do it. Those days are over. At Flaget if a guy got a nose bleed they would shove dirt up your nose to stop it. Tough isn’t tough anymore.
September 27th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
#11:
The players need to stop going to class. Too much distraction. God knows they don’t need to be concentrating on the whole “student” part of “student-athlete” or anything.