Funniest Day in Shout Box History

September 3, 2010. Day before Purdue game. ‘Anywhere23’ is a Purdue fan stalking the IRT. Read from the bottom up:

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JVH : I’ve read the shoutbox posts from today about 6 times. Could be the funniest day in shoutbox history.x
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Chadros : Seriously – isn’t there a game tomorrow?x
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Yeti : Purdue can’t handle MANTI! FIRE IT UP!x
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Yeti : True… True.x
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JVH : I don’t think yetis could handle that technology. x
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Yeti : Go Irish! x
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Yeti : JVH, when are you going to get off your lazy ass and make a shoutbox app for my Droid and your iPhone? You’re aiming too low in life. x
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Goat : Don Ameche might be dead, but I bet he was screaming at the top of his lungs even on his death bed. “Get those brokers back in here! Turn those machines back on! Turn those machines back on!” x
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Chadros : We could also replace the mums with free “I Love Boobies” wristbands for everyone (these actually support a good cause too): «link» x
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Chadros : How long have you been sitting on that picture? x
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Chadros : Is that really a cat wearing a football helmet made out of a watermelon rind? x
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Chadros : And Don Ameche died in 1993 x
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Chadros : Replace the mums with videos of Hoody doing his “Gambler” dance routine x
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JVH : Don’t forget to send me your ideas on the mum boxes… x
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The Hammer : Thank you. x
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The Hammer : WTF…what do you have to do to get an avatar on here? x
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The Hammer : Pride of Copperas Cove, Texas x
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JVH : Still Vontez Duff x
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The Hammer : Did James Aldridge make an appearance on the homepage? x
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JVH : I had a lot of options: broken fence, beer, leather helmet, Wilford Brimley, Nudes of Anytime23 x
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Goat : Awesome. I love the little avatar I’ve been assigned. x
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JVH : There have been 28678 messages in this shoutbox x
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JVH : Hey, I made the shoutbox bigger. Is that too big? x
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Goat : Side note: do you realize that Wilford Brimley was only 50 years old when “Cocoon” was filmed? I picture myself probably looking like that at 50. x
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Goat : It worked for Wilford Brimley, Hume Cronyn, and Don Ameche. It will work. x
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JVH : Yeah, I don’t think that would ever happen. x
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Ski : Also, Goat, that whole cocoon idea…that would never happen. x
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Ski : Hey Goat…was that you and Anytime23 at the US Open last night? x
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Goat : I’ll be sure to pack the leather helmet tonight. x
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Ski : I like that idea a lot!! I think they could do lots of stuff like that. What about setting up a Yo Cream machine at the 50 yard line with the words “Free No Fat Chocolate” on it and just see what happens. x
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JVH : Instead of having those stupid salutes to the South Dining Hall workcrews during tv timeouts, ND needs to put a huge fence at midfield. Then unleash a leather-helmeted Goat from the tunnel. Goat races down the field and crashes into the fence. That would lather up the crowd. And the Hammond Clone. x
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Goat : As for the mums bed: I think we need to fill it with water, find some of those alien pods from “Cocoon” and place them in there. The blue-hairs down front can ease their wrinkled, liver-spotted bodies into the pool, rejuvenate themselves, and bring some life back into Notre Dame Stadium. x
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Ski : That was supposed to say “Chadros was talking about cats”, but I’m sure you figured that out. He likes cats…and Guam. x
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Ski : Goat…don’t sell yourself short. That fence was pretty new. Plus I think was talking about how he liked cats. x
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Ski : Or worse yet…the Farley Formal (cue schreechy music from Pshyco) x
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JVH : I think the “Anytime” in Anytime23 is for when he is up for anal sex. x
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JVH : Goat, put on your leather helmet and take a couple deeps breaths. Then run through a fence as if it were Anytime23. x
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Ski : I think that the mum beds this week should feature a cage match of Goat and Anytime23 with the loser forced to attend the BP Formal this year. Two men enter…one man leaves. Two men enter…one man leaves. x
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Goat : Anytime23 is really irking me for some reason. I’m normally pretty thick-skinned (except when it comes to Turtle Creek fences). Maybe I’m just getting more irritable in my old age. x
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JVH : And by “Send me” I mean just type them out in the shoutbox. x
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JVH : Send me your best ideas for the mum boxes and I’ll compile a list for a post. x
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The Hammer : anytime 23 sounds like a nickname of a Purdue fan who wishes to be taking it from Golden Tate x
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JVH : ND Desktop Background: «link» Go get it! x
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JVH : They should just turn the mum beds into Denny’s. The bluehairs down in front would love that. Who wouldn’t want a Moons Over My Hammy during the 1812 Overture? x
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Ski : Maybe the old mum beds could be used to shame players who gave up plays during the game. You fumble the ball…you go to the Shaming Line. People can walk by and throw stuff at you, insult your family, tell you that Ty worked harder than you, real mean stuff. x
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Ski : Please don’t use the words Hammond and Lather together again. Also, he looks pretty mean in that picture. x
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JVH : I love that idea, Ski. My other thought would be to build cages and put a Hammond clone in each one. We just need to make the cage on the visitor’s sideline a little weak so that the Clone escapes around the fourth quarter after lathering itself up into a tizzy all game. «link» x
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Ski : Heads of people would be good, but would likely get smelly. Maybe they should make it quicksand and put the offense in it so that the defense is motivated to get off the field before their teammates sink into it forever. x
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JVH : Or how about filling it with decapitated heads of people. x
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Ski : or a pit of vipers. x
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Ski : And yes, the stadium still has the mums. I think they should change them to Venus Fly Traps or just put shards of glass where the mums were. x
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Ski : JVH: I’m fired up. Love the post. It’s a great day in South Bend today. Sunny…a little cool…it’s a good weekend to be Irish! x
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JVH : Does the stadium still have the lame-ass sideline mums? x

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